I’ll start by saying that for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I’m not living the life you want me to be living right now. I’m sorry that I’m spending my prime years doing things you don’t want me to do. Believe me, I can imagine how disappointed you must be. I know that if you could, you would give my life a 180 degree turn, putting back on the path you had wanted me to go down since I was a kid. However, what you want of me really isn’t me anymore.
I cherished all those times that you would tell me you were, if anything, that’s probably why I forced myself to be quiet for all those years. The years do go by, though. I picked up a thing or two about the world I live in and its flaws. I met a few people who shed new perspectives on life. Furthermore, I tried a couple of new things that I had no idea about in my earlier years. I guess one day it just dawned upon me that as hard as I tried, what you expected of me, what I’m supposed to be doing wasn’t my calling.
As much as I’ve immersed me in its culture throughout the years, my heart simply belonged elsewhere. I think it’s safe to say that this is what led me into going down my own path, leaving everything else behind in one fell swoop.
Here I am now, doing my thing. Slowly but surely enough, I’ve grown to accept that this isn’t the quintessential parent – offspring relationship where you’re behind my every move regardless of how stupid. I can feel your disappointment every time you ask me about a job.
It’s been tough living with that, but I have. I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing now, and that’s enough. This is my life after all, and I’m old enough to decide on these things. Still, know that the current state of relationship saddens me. Despite all, though, you’ve never stopped me. Even if I can sense that you’ve been downhearted at all my recent decisions, you’ve never acted as a barrier standing in the way of twisted dreams. You’ve given me the freedom to do my own thing, even if you’d rather be anywhere but where I am now. I never show it, but I don’t think I could ever stress enough how much this means to me.
Just because I’m not growing into the person you want me to be, that doesn’t mean I don’t still do everything to make you proud.
It could be years down the line, but I’m hopeful that one day you’ll smile and say you were glad I made all those decisions. Until that day comes, I thank you for the freedom.