Royal Pain

I think of you every day. I want you to know that I miss you more than anything, and I am thankful that I get to see you and talk to you in my dreams. I still remember the last time I saw you – I never thought it would be the last time. Looking back now, I wish I would have spent more time with you, shared more stories with you, and made more memories.

You were the most serious person I knew and every time you were smiling was the brightest smile I’ve ever seen. It’s been 4 years but it’s just not the same. I know you are in a better place. This year has been so hard for me, and so much has happened, but I know you have guided me in the right direction. Somehow, you still influence my life, even if you’re not here. Dealing with your death was one of the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. All of my accomplishments and achievements happened because of you because you were pushing me.

You taught me how to be cold and not to give a fuck. People might misunderstood this because love and emotions doesn’t really show in the family. I don’t blame you for anything and I will always trust in whatever you say in my dreams. The things you said were some of the funniest, most truthful things I’ve ever heard in my life. There was no filter with you, what you thought and felt was heard and you didn’t care if you were offending anyone.

I’ve always felt like a stranger in our own house when I was growing up. A lot of things were kept hidden from us but I was stealthy and always curious so I really try to find things or find a way to listen to the conversations. Some secrets you carried on your grave. The illuminati signs and weird stuffs I found in your cabinet, why did you have stitches on the back of your head from ear to ear, why was your head opened? Why did you told me that you buried a spirit in our house?

I’ve always thought you were strong and can make it through whatever..

Just keep guiding me, okay?

I’ll see you in the next dream

Happy Birthday grandma

Depression Life Love Thoughts

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