I find comfort in having no expectations because it saves me from disappointment. Knowing that I am in control and I don’t have anyone sailing in my boat.
No one could hurt me. No one has that effect on me. No one moves my heart the way it did when it got broken. I’m alone even if it’s hard but it’s easier than being with someone who makes me feel alone.
I have nothing to lose, no one I can’t live without, no one who can make or break my day. It’s all on me. Being away from it all: the heartbreak, the drama, and the tears. Looking at it from a distance remembering why I chose not to get too close. Waking up every day without waiting for a call or a text, without having to wonder how someone feels, without missing anyone.
But some nights, I miss having that one person who I can talk to when my world falls apart, who I can lean on when I’m feeling blue, who makes me smile when I’m tired.
Some nights, I don’t like it how comforting distance is, how stoic I’ve been, how numb. And it makes me wonder, if the comfort of being distant is nothing but an illusion I’ve created because getting close always breaks my heart.